When she was little I would sit and snuggle her for hours while she slept. Nursing her was our time to bond, to see her look up into my eyes, or reach her hand up and put her chubby little fingers on my face. Those moments are incredibly rare now. We still nurse, but it's not the same. She's bigger, almost outgrowing my lap. This phase too will end all too soon. I will cherish the times I shared just her and I.
As she grows more independent and needs me less, my heart aches for those times where she needed me for everything. I was her sole reason for surviving. Now, she eats everything we do, and is less and less dependent on my. And while she leans to her Daddy more now, and that's magical in itself, my heart yearns for her to be small just a while longer. Just a few more hours.
She doesn't sit still much anymore, and our moments to cuddle are few. She's much to busy to sit on my lap and play. It's amazing to watch her learn about the world around her. She gives me so much joy when she gets excited about something she's learned to do for the first time. But, few are the times now when she needs me to help her. She's beginning to dress her self little by little. Soon she'll be out of diapers and ready to begin school.
The chapters keep unfolding, as they are with our 10 year old. Oh my word, he's in double digits now! It's such a privilege and honor to be their mom. But my heart wants them to stay little, for time to slow down. My body may never grow or nourish another life, and that's OK too. Like a book, when one chapter ends, another begins. I'll still cling to the days when they both were tiny and needed me, and I'll still encourage them to grow and learn. It's a fine line we walk as parents, to know how to let go enough, but keep them close.
So, here's to a new phase in life. No more baby stage, clumsy walker stage, or learning to speak. Bring on more learning and laughter. I'll try to remind my heart it's alright to grieve with the close of each chapter, only to rejoice at the start of a new.